I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
