he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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