porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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