So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I have already put on my inside pants.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
