He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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