No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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