Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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