He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
