the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
