There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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