I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
