Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
