omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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