Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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