I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You took a bar mat shot.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
