So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
