Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
