ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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