I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
