i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
