How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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