I'm jealous of your bromance
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
