So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
