I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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