I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
