there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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