Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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