My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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