and you said cock pushups were impossible
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
