she is the kim kardashian of front butts
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
