Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
