I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
