I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
