I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
