The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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