I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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