If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
