It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
