My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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