and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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