is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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