pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
