Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's get the cat blown out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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