Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
