I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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