I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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