He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
