dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
