I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
