2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
