You're my little dorito
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
