Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
