I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
