Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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