clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
