I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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