ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
