Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
