it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
