Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
