it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
