I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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