I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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