and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
