yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
