The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
